Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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