i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
