I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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