Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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