Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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