Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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