you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
