i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize