I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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