what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
