This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
