After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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