i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
