Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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