why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I think I just sharted jello shots
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