If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
