Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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