I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
