pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Your mouth is God's brothel.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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