I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize