I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
