You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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