well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
