she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
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