I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
no you cant smoke seaweed
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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