I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
