Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
