Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
