my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
