I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
