i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
