Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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