There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
