I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
