the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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