I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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