Who wears a wallet chain?!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
