I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
