Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize