she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
