You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
