I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
