i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
