I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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