so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
