Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
