Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize