I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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