At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
