Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
