It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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