3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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