It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Randomize
