right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
