Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
