I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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