woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize