i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
