I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
