Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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