I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
