Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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