Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
