What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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