So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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