I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
