how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
