Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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