your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize