He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
