I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
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