just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize