In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
