hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
