Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
