just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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