apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
