I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Come on in and take your pants off
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