Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
