i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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