nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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