Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
