I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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