Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
