My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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