I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
