so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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