The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
