I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
