alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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