she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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