Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
