to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Randomize
