You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
