Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
