tell your sister to shave her snatch
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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