I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
