I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
