I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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