forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
