If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
