I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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