New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
