Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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