yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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